―Everyone that Russiaball bullies whilst getting bullied by him
―Russia on Eurovision 2016(before being dramatically defeated by Ukraineball)
―Russia after tricking Poland
Russiaball or Russian Federationball is a large, Orthodox and stronk countryball in Eurasia and covers more clay on Earthball than any other country. Russiaball is usually strong, proudly, and it got better compared to its old Soviet days, and known for its constant rivalry against Pindosiyaball and Germanyball and it's worst enemy (
And nightmare) is NATOball. He can into space, and in fact he is the first into space. However, Russiaball is grumpy with the USAball and Turkeyball. Russiaball has fairly good relations with Chinaball but dislikes Japanball. He loves (not homosex though) his Slavic family and his sister Belarusball and his friend Kazakhbrick.
Russiaball is also a member of the G20 (or Group of Twenty), a club formed by the countryballs that have the 19 largest economies plus the EUball.
"Alcoholic" could not even begin to describe Russiaball. Wherever he goes, he carries a bottle of vodka with him. In fact, in Russia, shot glasses do not exist because everyone is expected to down the Vodka in one gulp. St. Vladimir the Great of the Kievan Rusball was the source of the quote, “Drinking is the Joy of the Rus, we cannot exist without that pleasure”. The ancestors of Russiaball removed Kebab and converted to orthodoxy exactly because kebab removes vodka. Indeed, the compound known as Ethanol also serves a utilitarian purpose in Russian life; they help survive the cold, they can be used as disinfectant, and we do know that ethanol has a high octane rate which was why scientists are so interested in the manufacture of ethanol from waste biomass in order to fuel the upcoming energy crisis. In other words, since Vodka is basically Ethanol, even their tanks can run on Vodka. During Victory over Europe, Stalin threw a massive party so vast they ran out of Vodka. The previous Imperial and Communist regimes knew this, and personally managed the sell of ethanol. Ethanol is the centre, life and blood of everything that is Russia. But Russia today is a pretty sad and dilapidated place. Alcoholism continues to accelerate to insane levels, and amongst the very poor who could not even afford a bottle of vodka, they instead turned to Krokodil, which is highly addictive and literally ate your flesh alive like some kind of super-Ebola.
There is a reason for Russiaball having lost pride in itself and could not manage a single second without vodka: he used to be a world-spanning empire that scared even USAball. What makes it different from the previous collapse of superpowers like SPQRball into Italyball was that Soviet Unionball possessed so much nukes he could EXTERMINATUS the entire Planet many times over. Everybody, even USAball was understandably scared shitless of the might of the Soviet empire, and almost every Cold War fiction depicted that either the USSR must necessarily exist and into Space forever, or a war will completely wipe all life on the face of the planet. The only way for Sovietball to end, was not with a whimper, but with an epic BANG. Until an idiot named Mikhail Gorbachev took away the Vodka. Gorbachev was the most unpopular of the Soviet leaders; even Stalin led Russiaball from a backwater in the arch-nemesis of USAball. The epic nuclear war films of world War III, they were all wrong. Russia went with a whimper, reduced to Tricolours with Rusting Rockets. No wonder the current alcohol epidemic of an empire that rotted from within itself. However, from this background of chaos and Mafias rose a KGB agent named Vladimir Putin who promised to make Russiaball a great power once again, negotiating alliances with old friend Chinaball. Though, he was controversial as well for removing Gays and Kebab from Russian premises, which earned him the ire of EUball.
Russiaball were the ancestors of the ancient Slavs ( 2ball). On their land attacked the Vikings. During the reign Oleg became the capital of Russia Kiev. So there was a law (many times right) Russian Grandpa - Kievan Rusball. He fought many times with Byzantiumball. In 988 he took the Orthodox faith. But soon his sons ( Vladimir-Suzdalball, Kiev principalityball, " Lord Novgorodball the Great" (his favorite nickname), etc.) shared inheritance and less listened to each other.
Meanwhile, Europe was attacked by- wait for it- the Mongols! Russian reported by Kumanball (generally Russian hated them and they hate them too). In 1223 a battle on the river Kalka ... Almost all Russian principalities were conquered by the Mongol Empireball. Russia almost was captured. When the remains of captured Russians declared independence Novgorodball. (It turns out that Russia fully nobody ever won). Novgorodball and Vladimirball were right (3 times right) grandparents Russiaball.
Soon Muscovy won in 1380 winning the Golden Hordeball (the Battle of Kulikovo), and exactly 100 years later (1480) in general has ceased to be a "slave" to the Mongols (the Battle of the Ugra river). In Muscovy had a son - Tsardom of Russiaball. He fought with Swedenball and Poland-Lithuaniaball. His son - the Russian Empireball conquered the Rzeczpospolitaball, fought with Franceball, UKball, Ottomanball, the Japanese Empireball and the German Empireball. In 1918, his son, the Soviet Unionball killed him. He was born many children - Russiaball, Belarusball, Ukraineball and others.
In 1941, his "friend", Nazi Germanyball treacherously attacked him, and after 4 years of a fascist himself killed himself by declaring that War. Signs hero cities have been awarded many of his grandchildren - Sevastopolball, Moscowball, Leningradball, Stalingradball, Murmanskball, Tulaball, Brestball and others. In 1962, because of his other Cubaball nearly started a new, perhaps THE LAST WAR IN OUR HISTORY! In 1986, his daughter Ukraineball something naughty (more in the article about Ukraineball). In 1957, Russiaball and her brother Kazakhbrick launched the first rocket into space. Before the Great Patriotic War (in the most of the former Soviet Union, so called Second World War) the Soviet Unionball selected for children daughters Belarusball and Ukraineball of the land of his brother - Polandball (Polish father, a former Polish kingdom) ( Polandball - Russia's slavic brother) which Polandball took away the Soviet Unionball in 1920.
After the death of the father (or murder) Russiaball first behaved more lightly. But after the war in Chechnyaball and the two defold, Russiaball pulled himself together and started to build a new life. In 2014, Russiaball returned his brother - Crimeaball - to his clay, despite the fact that the almost rest of the world was against it.
- Chinaball -
Old commie buddies! Great friend.
- Eastern Orthodoxy - State religion of the Holy Russian Empire, and bulwark against the German devil (forget the atheist Soviet era, it never worked. Besides Nazi version of German Devil was removed, because Soviet people belived).
- Indiaball - I gib him lots of weapons so he likes me and I like him. He pays a lot of curry. Also both in BRICS together. DEFEND CURRY!
- UKball - Sometimes. He's protestant, but we both can into tea and German Devils removing. And also French. So my question is: WHY YUO DON'T WANT TO JOIN MY RESTORED SOVIET UNION?
- Icelandball - Just arctic buddies....
- Belarusball - The best friend and little sister.Russia:Belarus!Join me or die!Belarus:Wow okay!
- Kazakhbrick - Russia's friend. Kazakstan sometimes lets Russia use his lawn for launching rockets into space and into anybody he wants removed. Is of good Kebab.
- Brazilball - Well, they are a part of BRICS, add vodka in their cocktails, and hate the German devil, so why not?
- Portugalball - Brazil's father and trading partner.
- Armeniaball - A loyal friend in the Caucasus region (perhaps only friend there).
- Eurasian Unionball - great Russia's son.
- Serbiaball - Best friendski! Great helpings against capitalist American pig, and know truth about new world order NATO!
- Iranball I know in the 19th century we were enemies but Now we are of best friends and I like him, he also me. We are Strategic Allies, who knows who this works. Your capital Tehran is very big and cultureful I like it. Xaxaxa and We hate this capitalist Idiotic pig and NATO.
- Bulgariaball - Best friends. Even Bulgariaball is in Nato and EU. But this makes Bulgaria confused.
- Egyptball - Recently insane, relationships since
USSR, sovietlong time of both helpings each other out , always of visiting Egyptball in vacation, he is makings me room in his new canal, of supporting christianity in there helped him in his canal war, of likings him cause he was independent and anti-imperialist policy earned him enthusiastic support from the Communist government of the USSR.
- Syriaball - Will of helping him get through his NATO-engineered civil war on top.
- Canadaball - Good diplomatic friend, we both love hockey! Honestly I like Canada ... he is a nice guy ...the only fault of Canada is being brother of that arrogant (I'm talking about you, America).
- Polandball - Silly western pigski who are easy to bully. ХАХАХАХАХА, polen cannot into space! But we both can into vodka and we both like to bully and troll gays and Hochland and also both equally strong hate Krauts.
Also remove that rocket defense from yuor clay or nukes will of strike Warsawball!
- Pindosiyaball - He thinks that he is the king of the world (in the past he even invaded Iraq without UN authorization, but SCREW DOSE GUYS!), he has not noticed that we live in a multipolar world now.
So yuo finally elected trump, huh? Great.
XAXAXAXA.........Yuo silly pig. Now yuo are fucked. Just wait and watch as yuo get raped.
- Japanball - Worthy opponent. Our book Lolita is number one bestseller there. Now a loyal bondage slave of the German devil. I am never givings Kuril! Plus His flag is literally a surrender flag! XAXAXAXAXAXAXA!
- Moldovaball - Doesn't want her to be with Romaniaball and EU, nor Ukraineball.
- Macedoniaball - Doesn't want him to be with Bulgariaball, Greece and EU, nor Serbiaball, nor Albania.
- Philippinesball - June 12 is me and little comrade's special day! Russia day for me and independence for him. He is unfortunately that pig's teenage son. Can into friends soon
- Franceball - You're part of EU, a Homosex lover, and a Catholic, but are prayers are with you of heplings you remove terrorist.
- Canadaball - We both claim the North Pole.
Ублюдки/Враги ( Bastards/Enemies)
- Germanyball, Merkelreichtangle and NATOball -
Антихристы. Зло, родители котороых - шлюха Вавилона и Сатана. Злейшие враги славянской расы. УБРАТЬ ТЕВТОНСКИХ РЫЦАРЕЙ, УНИЧТОЖИТЬ ПРУССИЮ, УНИЧТОЖИТЬ АНШЛЮС, УНИЧТОЖИТЬ НАЦИЗМ! УНИЧТОЖИТЬ ГЕЙФРИЦЕВ, ИХ КЕБАБСКИХ СОЮЗНИКОВ И МАЛЕНЬКИХ ЧЕРТЕЙ МАРОККО, АМЕРИКИ И ИЗРАИЛЯ! РУССКАЯ СЛАВЯНСКАЯ ЗИМА И ПРАВОСЛАВИЕ СТРОНГ, СТАЛИНГРАДСКАЯ БИТВА — ЛУЧШИЙ ДЕНЬ В МОЕЙ ЖИЗНИ! АЛЕКСАНДР НЕВСКИЙ ДОЛЖЕН ВЕРНУТЬСЯ, ЧТОБЫ ОТПРАВИТЬ ГЕЙФРИЦЕВ И КЕБАБОВ ОБРАТНО В АД!! ХВАТИТ ОБИЖАТЬ ВЕЛИКОБРИТАНИЮ! МАТУШКА РОССИЯ СТРОНГ!!!Best drinking buddies ever. Really, because Putin said so, therefore it's right. If Putin said it, therefore it must be true.
- Hochlandball -
ХАХАХАХАХАХА!!! Я УКРАЛ У ТЕБЯ КРЫМ И ТЕПЕРЬ ПОЧТИ ВСЮ ОСТАЛЬНУЮ ГЛИНУ ВОЗЬМУ!!! Но Львов брать не буду. ПОТОМУ ЧТО ЛЬВОВ - ПОЛЬСКАЯ ГЛИНА!!! ГОЛОДОМОР - ЛУЧШИЙ ДЕНЬ В МОЕЙ ЖИЗНИ!!! АМ НЯМ ХОХЛАНД!!!GIVE INDEPENDENCE TO NOVOROSSIYA!AND LET ME ANCHLUSS THEM! KHARKOV ,KIEV, ALL UKRAINE CLAY IS RIGHTEOUS ROSSIYA CLAY!!!!!!!! Runaway EU Peasant. Traitorous apostates who hate us because Natalia Poklonskaya used her Slavic sexiness to Anschlissfree Crimea.AND GET OFF THE FENCE!
- Swedenball, Denmarkball and Norwayball - Orthodox Christianity only Christianity! Protestantism is HERESY made by crazy, vicious Kingdörk Vikings! (still hate their sister)
- Vaticanball and Italyball - Orthodox Christianity only Christianity! Catholicism is HERESY made by Romans!
- Mongoliaball - Worst fear. 1237 WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! BUT NOW AM OF STRONKEST THAN YUO. XAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXAXA!!! Wait, you say I have Mongols in me? OH SHIT SHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!!!!
- Finlandball - Used to be Rossiya clay after i anschluss him from Sweden. He is also my second worst fear. At least He can into vodka.Renegade province. BUT I AM NOT GIVING KARAELIA BACK!(You stole my vodka, Cyka Blyat!)
- ISISball - Since NATO pigskis not doing anything to stop yuo it's up to Mother Russia to save the day.
- Georgiaball - I defeated yuo easily. So gib Abkhaziaball and South Ossetiaball their independence!
And let me anschluss them!
- Azerbaijanball - Stop bullying Armeniaball or else i will remove yuo!
- North Koreaball - Please shut up about your nukes or I will into removing yuo.
- Lithuaniaball -
American puppet pigs!Always can into independance!
- Canadaball - Hockey rival, never forgetting 1972