|“||Eesti can into Nordic!||”|
|“||People often of sayings to me, Estonia, yuo cannot into Nordic. I quoted beforehand, "I am NOT OF BALTIC"! I can into Nordic and I shall prove it! Look at my of language and compare to of Finlandball's.||”|
— Estonia, interviewed by the news
Estoniaball is a Baltic countryball located south of Finlandball, north of Latviaball and east of Swedenball. Estonia has been classified as northern European, but still thinks she is Nordic. She has seen horrid things in its life, but still has come out mostly content, if not, happy.
Ancient Era (appr. 9000 BCE - 1218) Edit
Estoniaball is Finno-Uralic. She is known to have descended from the ancient Uralball, who left the Urals around 11 000 BCE. Uralball split into numerous countryballs, two of whom decided to go further into Siberia ( Nenetsball, Khanty-Mansiball), the Finnicball that went westward also split, some Finnic countryballs reside in nowaday Russiaball ( Mari Elball, Udmurtiaball) and Hungaryball that left the Urals millennia later and went to live with Hunball for some time before their conquest in Central Europe.
Europe was basically uninhabited until 9000 BCE, when Finnicball settled first in nowaday Estoniaball. Her grand cultural heritage tells the story of how Finlandball was born: Those Estoniaballs that were deemed to unintelligent by Estoniaball chieftains were deported North. But Finland was still intact in culture and language, as its badly organised empire of chiefdoms' borders managed to extend from nowaday Novgorodball to Scotlandball(settled by Finnicballs from Saaremaa) and from Samiball to nowaday Polandballbefore the introduction of Indo-Aryan country balls to Europe.
By miracle, the asiatic-looking Finnicball (1ball) gradually turned into a darkish blonde 2ball. In time with the populous increase of Indo-European country balls in Europe, Finnicball's borders were pushed back, maintaining nowaday Finlandball, Estoniaball, Latviaball and some of Lithuaniaball. Through the centuries small differences started developing between Finnicball chiefdom speech, becoming different languages and giving birth to Estoniaball, Finlandball and Livoniansball.
Estoniaball was feared by Russiaball and Swedenball (Vikingball) for brutally crushing their attempts at invasion and by ransacking and burning down their settlements in return for their intrusive ambitions. Estoniaball didn't know about agriculture until approximately 900-1000 CE, when her chiefdoms slowly started adopting Christianity. Foreign missionaries mainly from Denmarkball baptised Estoniaball and taught her about growing crops. Before starting ploughing fields, Estoniaball herded aurochs and horses. Lithuaniaball had already pushed Finnicball out of Lithuaniaball by that time, Lithuaniaballs intermingled with Livoniansballs and Latviaball was born. Estoniaball forged damascus steel from bog iron and sold it to Swedenball, costing them a lot of silver, from which Estoniaball could scrape hõbevalge (Silver dust), which was believed to have medicinal benefits.
In the 13th century the Teutonic Orderball needed new territories after great losses in the Crusades, so he claimed Estoniaball wasn't Christian and needs to be baptised again. That seemed like a ridiculous allegation for Estoniaball. She got upset and denied him. Thus the Teutonic Orderball and its branch, the Livonian Orderball started a war with Estoniaball, later joined by Denmarkball, Swedenball and Russiaball. During the Muistne vabadusvõitlus (Ancient Struggle for Freedom) a couple of Estoniaball nobles pledged allegience to Denmarkball and continued ruling afterwards, serving the Denmarkball cause. Estoniaball lost her lands and her freedom after two decades of defending aganist them to the Livonian Orderball and Denmarkball. Thus Estoniaball grew to hate Christianity.
Era of Terra Mariana Edit
After a century of hard labour, repressions and high taxes, Estoniaball revolted in 1343-1345, later deemed Jüriöö ülestõus (Uprising of St. George's Night). Estoniaball burned down hundreds of fortresses and manors. Denmarkball couldn't suppress the uprisings, so he sold his Estoniaball territories to Livonian Orderball, who decided to hold negotiations with the chosen four kings of Estoniaball. The Livonian Orderball demanded all Estoniaballs, who were guilty of murdering the monks of Padise monastery, be put to the sword, for which Estoniaball can have back its own rule. Estoniaball refused to kill his own brethren, for which the kings were butchered at the negotiating table and soon after the peasant armies with lowered morale were crushed as well one by one.
In 1558, Russiaball demanded Tartuball to pay debts from three centuries ago, when Tartuball was conquered and ruled over by Russiaball for some years while Muistne vabadusvõitlus was going on. Tartuball refused to pay, so Russiaball attacked, starting Liivi sõda (Livonian War). Russiaball had almost taken all of Estoniaball and wanted to install the prince of Denmarkball as the vassal ruler, when Swedenball landed in Tallinnball and took North of Estoniaball away from Russiaball. Polandballconquered South of Estoniaball and Denmarkball kept Saaremaa. Thus Liivi sõda ended in 1583.
Era of Swedish Rule Edit
Swedenball managed to get all of Estoniaball under her control via treaties after Liivi sõda. Swedenball was lutheran, meaning felt the need for illiterate peasants to be able to read and comprehend the word of God, which is why Swedenball tried to push through many reforms (she even founded a gymnasium in Tallinnball in 1631 and an academy in Tartuball in 1632 that were meant for people from all statuses, although that didn't take effect), but the Germanyball noble descendants of the Livonian Orderball were too stubborn and unenlightened to see the need to fund the proposed parochial primary schools nor write down and standardise the Estonian language. Before Põhjasõda (Northern War) Swedenball started the reduction, reclaiming fiefs granted to the nobility. That turned many nobles against Swedenball's rule and the nobility started conspiring against it.
At the start of Põhjasõda, Swedenball had a major advance against Denmarkball, Polandballand Russiaball. Denmarkball surrendered immediately and Polandballwas crushed without haste. But as time passed, Swedenball became too greedy and finally began losing battle after battle to Russiaball. Thus, by 1710 Russiaball had conquered all of Estoniaball.
Era of Russian Rule Edit
For a whole century, little changed in the abysmal conditions in which Estoniaball had to live. Crop failures led to numerous famines, hundreds of women miscarried, most deaths were caused by malnourishment, cholera, typhus, dysentery and tuberculosis. Parochial primary schools started slowly popping up around Estonia and Estoniaball became literate in an instance. The first printed Bible in keskmurre (the most influential dialect for the vocabulary for standardisation of Estonian in the years to come) was published in 1739 in Tallinnball. The Swedenball-founded academy in Tartuball was reestablished in 1802, where many Germanyball students and professors abandoned their old mentality toward Estoniaball and actually started researching Estonian dialects and culture. With the abolishment of serfdom in Estoniaball in 1816-19, the first Estoniaball peasants began attending Tartu Ülikool (University of Tartu). Õpetatud Eesti Selts (Learned Estonian Society) was founded by Estoniaball students and Germanyball estophiles in 1838 and the material for the national epic of Estoniaball Kalevipoeg (Kalevide aka Son of Kalev) was gathered from oral stories and songs passed on from father to son for centuries. Estoniaball peasants were given surnames derived from either the name of their farmstead or father, their occupation, their appearance or their characteristic or any of those mentioned translated to German. Estoniaball started documenting all of her culture. Estoniaball began buying back her farmstead lands from Germanyball nobility, taking part in local politics and cultivating parochial choral and instrumental music, which led to the long tradition of the Estonian Song and Dance Festival since 1869.
With the start of Russification, Estoniaball national movement was outlawed and Estonian wasn't allowed to be spoken in schools. Germanyball governor was replaced with a Russiaball governor and Russiaball tried to convert Estoniaball into orthodoxy. After the revolution of 1905, some bans were either lifted or loosened. In 1917 the old Russiaball collapsed and the new Russiaball granted autonomy for Estoniaball. Within a small period in February 1918, when Russiaball forces retreated from the arriving Germanyball forces and no foreign power was stationed there, Estoniaball declared independence.
Era of Independence Edit
In November 1918 Germanyball surrendered to the Triple Entente and that left Estoniaball to face Russian SFSRball alone. But Estoniaball didn't give up, she rallied and mobilised everyone she could and with the help of Finlandball volunteers and a couple UKball destroyers, Estoniaball struck the Russiaball offence as far as St. Petersburgball and liberated Latviaball, which had been completely taken by the Reds. Vabadussõda (War of Independence) ended in February 1920. Estoniaball had a hard time in politics. There were too many parties with similar, but still very different ideologies and all the politicians corrupt. In 1933 Eesti Vabadussõjalaste liit aka Vapsid (Union of Participants in the Estonian War of Independence) demanded that the duties of a prime minister and a president should be separated (until then, those duties were carried out by Riigivanem aka State Elder) and that the presidential elections should be popular, not parliamentary. Estoniaball didn't really prosper until Vaikiv ajastu (Silent Era), which started when Estoniaball declared martial law because of the threat that Vapsid might stage a coup d'état. Thus Estoniaball became an authoritarian regime.
Estoniaball exported grain, dairy, meat, poultry and confectioneries as far as the United States, Estoniaball also exported fabric, fine crystal, lime-silica bricks, logs, paper, phosphorite-based fertiliser and oil shale-based petroleum.
World War II Edit
After the signing of MRP in August 1939, Estoniaball was approached by Soviet Unionball, who offered to guarantee their protection and neutrality in the inevitable war. Estoniaball accepted the offer and fell immediately under Soviet Unionball influence. In June 1940 Juunipööre (Coup d'état of June) was staged and the Estonian SSRball was illegitimately founded. What followed were mass executions and the deportation to Siberian Labour Camps with everyone being falsely accused of either helping or siding with bourgeoisie Estoniaball. Hundreds flocked on any sort of watercraft to emigrate to Swedenball to escape repression or deportation. All businesses and factories were nationalised and all farmsteads were ordered to join into kolhoosid or sovhoosid (Collectives). In June 1941 Soviet Unionball ordered juuniküüditamine (June Deportation) to get rid of potential hostiles to the regime. Approximately 10 000 (out of which 38% were innocent minors and bedrinned seniors) out of the diminutive Estoniaball population of 1 000 000 were all put on animal wagons overnight and sent to various GULAG labour camps across Siberiaball without delay, separating thousands of families. The majority of men were massacred at their arrival at GULAG. The women and children had to do hard labour in mining or logging. It is estimated that the number of casualties juuniküüditamine is around 6 000.
In August 1941 Nazi Germanyball liberated Estoniaball from Soviet Unionball and reorganised it into an Eastern territory. Estoniaball was allowed to publicly display the Estonian tricolour and sing the Estonian anthem once again. Estoniaball had its own self-administration and battalions. When Nazi Germanyball was retreating from the Soviet Unionball forces, the de jure Estoniaball cabinet that had been in hiding formed a new cabinet, hoping to replicate the same trick done in 1918 when declaring independence. The new cabinet asked recognition from the Western Allies but got no response. Half of the cabinet fled to Swedenball, where the Estoniaball de facto Government-in-exile was founded. Soviet Unionball returned in September 1944. Thus Estoniaball vanished from the world map going into exile in Swedenball with recognition only from USAball.
Era of Soviet Rule Edit
With the return of Soviet Unionball, thousands were tortured and massacred for having helped Nazi Germanyball in any way. Hundreds joined the resistance Metsavennad (Forest Brothers) hiding themselves in the woods. Collectivisation was reinstated. In 1949 Soviet Unionball ordered märtsiküüditamine (March Deportation aka Operation Прибой) to once again get rid of more potential hostiles. Approximately 22 500 were deported by animal and cargo wagons overnight to GULAG. With many kulaks deported, who were a source of food for Metsavennad, the resistance perished.
As Soviet Unionball lost its totalitarian dictator in 1953, Estonian SSRball was hoping of gradually achieving sovereignty through political activism. The youth started joining Komsomol (Young Communist League) wanting to promote national communism. Those dreams were soon crushed. In 1955 Eesti Televisioon went on air. Estonian SSRball enjoyed a period loosened surveillance and more liberties during Hruštšovi Sula (Khrushchev Thaw). Literature, cinematography and other areas of art flourished.
With Brezhnev, Estonian SSRball saw major stagnation in social evolution, technology and consumer goods. The word defitsiit (deficit) and standing in lines for any sort of consumer goods became a part of everyday life, as Soviet Unionball wasted its time and money on heavy industry. Russification began again, making Russian mandatory and reducing the importance of the local language. Children had more Russian lessons in a school week than Estonian from their first year in school. Estonian SSRball intellectuals wrote a public letter adressed to Kremlin, which was ignored and suppressed.
During Gorbachev's reforms, Estonian SSRball protested against the major project to make a huge mining complex in Estonian SSRball to mine phosphorite (Fosforiidisõda). Research showed that this sort of mining would ruin the ecosystem and the need for labour would mean locating thousands of Russians into Estonian SSRball, which would make Russians the majority and completely deprioritise and ultimately annihilate Estoniaball. As the protests bore fruit, Estonian SSRball saw opportunity to take action, as the Soviet reign of terror had crumbled. Anti-Soviet movements popped up and in 1988 Estonian SSRball enacted Suveräänsusdeklaratsioon (Declaration of Sovereignty). The national anthem Mu isamaa, mu õnn ja rõõm and the tricolour were legalised again. Estonian SSRball showed its unity and spirit by holding mass gatherings at Lauluväljak and forming the Balti kett (Baltic Way). Estonian SSRball held elections, where only Estonians, who were born in Estoniaball before annexation or descendents of them could have a vote. In 1991 a referendum for all was held, whether Estonian SSRball declares independence or stays in the proposed new and more liberal Soviet Unionball sphere. 78% voted for independence. August Putschists wanted to take Toompea and Teletorn, but they failed, as the government called for help and thousands gathered in defence. On August 20th 1991 Estoniaball regained independence, as the government-in-exile passed its duties on to the newly-formed government. Thus the old republic was restored and in 2018 Estoniaball will be celebrating its 100th anniversary.
Modern Era Edit
In 1992 a new constitution and the old currency Kroon were reinstated. In 1994 Russiaball agreed to remove all stationed troops in Estoniaball. In 2001 Estoniaball won the Eurovision contest in Denmarkball. Estoniaball joined the EU and NATO in 2004 after a referendum. In 2008 Estoniaball suffered a big economic collapse. In 2011 Estonia adopted the Euro.
- Estoniaball invented Skype with some help from Sweden- and Denmarkball.
- Estoniaball has the largest collection of recorded cultural heritage in the World.
- Estoniaball discovered the human ovum.
- Estoniaball invented the spy camera.
- Estoniaball made swinging on a swing a sport: Kiiking.
- Estoniaball is 51% covered with forests and 22% with quagmires.
- Estoniaball was a well-preserved protrusive Baltic Klint since the recession of the glacier sheet.
- Estoniaball has one of the oldest universities in Europe.
- Eesti can into space.
- Eesti can now into female leadership
Estoniaball hates it if she is called a Baltic or Slavic nation, also hates to be categorised as Eastern Europe, because that term usually means bad and Estoniaball considers herself much more advanced than the average Eastern European nationball, both technologically and economically.
She is usually friendly and is very eager to be accepted as a Nord. When around her southern siblings-in-law (Lithuaniaball or Latviaball), she tends to act superior. She can be in deep depression from time to time, which is why she is such an alcoholic.
Estoniaball has an extremely powerful alcohol tolerancer. She can beat almost anyone in a drinking contest.Estoniaball usually will accept if she is called a "Nordic" country unless it is used by countries mocking Estoniaball.
Estoniaball's thing is dark rye bread, which has been her bread since serfdom. Rye was considered rubbish by the Germans so they had Estonianball grow them wheat and she could have all of the rye in exchange. Estoniaball also loves potato, but isn't as obsessed as her neighbour-in-law Latviaball. Estoniaball much richer and she can afford pork.
Although Estoniaball is in the Baltic region ( Finlandball was also considered to be located in the Baltics before WWII as all of them had coastlines with the Baltic Sea), she is not Baltic by tongue or genes. Estoniaball and Finlandball are from the same family, which is why the share an outstandingly similar language with Finlandball, even though that similarity might not be that comprehensible for a foreigner, because they can't assume how vowels could have evolved differently, how vocabulary and orthography has been influenced by different foreign languages, how cases work and where the accent is.
There are many ways to depict Estoniaball. The most common and worn-out styles are Estoniaball being Finlandball's girlfriend and Estoniaball trying to blend in with the rest of the Nords. Other scenarios are Estoniaball being Finlandball's drinking and sauna buddy, alcohol provider, an IT-specialist, talking to inanimate objects and lifeforms and believing in natural forces. Estoniaball can also be paying taxes or protesting against the government being always the same no matter the party and its ideologies and demanding for the cease of foreign immigration or the deportation of the provocative imperialist Russian minority.
- Finlandball - Biological brother. Best friend. Buys longero from me. Lets me into Nordic YAY
- Hungaryball - Distant biological brother.
- Latviaball - Baltic stepbrother with six toes. But I want to be Nordic.
- Lithuaniaball - Baltic stepbrother. But I want to be Nordic.
- UKball - Helped me fight Commie in 1919, there's a considerable Estonian diaspora of students in UK.
- Norwayball - For letting me into Nordic. And he gibs me monies
- Germanyball and other EUball members - They help protect me from Russiaball.
- Polandball - Is of good friend, but claims i am of Baltic
- Turkeyball - Same with Hungaryball
- Swedenball (Sometimes)- For not letting me be Nordic. But we are Skype buddies
- Denmarkball - For not letting me be Nordic. But we are also Skype buddies.
- Latviaball (sometimes) - For not wanting to to join Nordic, and stealing my alcohol revenue.
- Icelandball(Sometimes) - For not letting me be Nordic. But he recognised my regaining of independence first in 1991.
- Russiaball - Worst enemy and nightmare. Remove Vodka! 1918 and 1991 best years of life because I was finally free from stupid Commie!
How to drawEdit
Drawing Estoniaball is very easy.
- Hand-draw a circle.
- Make large, adorable eyes.
- Add the tri-colour.
- Add a bowtie to the right side of the ball, For extra cuteness and to show that Eesti can into feminine.